I’ve come to a realization about myself over the last few months. You see, the world shut down (thanks, pandemic!) and I liked it better that way. As more and more is opening up, I find my anxiety level building. I know some might think it’s a newly developed psychosis, but I’m pretty sure it’s been there all along, I was just fairly decent at hiding it. Now that my introverted anxiety has had supreme rule over my life, it doesn’t want to give up control. And I feel powerless to stop it.
It isn’t that I think there’s anything wrong with seeking help. I know that talking to a therapist or getting onto medication can be very helpful and are probably both things I should pursue. However, that’s where the conundrum comes in. I have social anxiety, which means I don’t like meeting new people (or even some I’ve known for years). I’d like to get help for this, but that requires meeting someone new. Which is exactly what makes me anxious, which is why I need help.
I’ve gone as far as getting recommendations from a friend in the field and have kept the website tab open on my phone browser for weeks. But I can’t get myself to make a phone call to make an appointment. My sister said “Can’t your regular doctor help you?” when I mentioned it to her. That would require making an appointment too. It’s not even that I can’t talk openly about my anxiety. I’ve told so many people, with varying degrees of support. But I just can’t get that phone call made.
Phones are another anxiety anyway. I need to call my new insurance company to find out how I can get my INR testing supplies covered, but I keep putting it off. 🤦♀️ When I have to do some digging for information for my job, I always make phone calls a last resort.
Since I’m having a hard time making an appointment and know that writing can be therapeutic for me, I’ve decided that maybe this hiding place blog will help. I can’t imagine it making anything worse! Here’s hoping!
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