Task #6
Task #6 for the Social Anxiety Challenge by @honestrox was to “Reach out to an ‘old’ friend.” Someone you haven’t talked to in over a year for whatever reason.
To be honest, I feel like I cheated on this one because I picked someone I’ve known almost my whole life and we frequently go a year or more without talking because life is busy, but we will always consider each other friends. I had seen on FB that she has been on an epic vacation with her family and sent her a message expressing my jealousy of the trip. Super easy. She wrote back last night when I was busy with rehearsals, so I didn’t see it until this morning. As expected, she wrote back and shared a little, then asked how we were doing. I wrote back a brief bit about us, but nothing too in depth. I did expect to spark a long conversation or plans to get together. But it was nice to reach out on more than just her birthday (which is actually coming up, oddly enough).
When thinking about this challenge, though, I had a hard time thinking of who to contact. I have one friend that I saw weekly (or more) before the pandemic that I just didn’t feel comfortable around because she was still very social. We talked a few times on the phone, but I felt very distant from her for a number of reasons. But our kids are friends, so last week I pushed myself to get together with her (I wrote about it in another post). So maybe I fulfilled this challenge before I even knew about it?
Milestone
This morning I got a notification from WordPress that I’d had more than 100 views. That is so bizarre to me. Why are people reading my words? And I notice that there are several people that read what I’ve written soon after I post. I don’t know if it’s my social anxiety talking, but I really didn’t think anything I had to say would be interesting to anyone else.
So here’s my question. I know I’ve written a lot about my anxiety (since that’s what the blog is about) and I’ve alluded to various aspects of my life, but do those of you that read regularly have anything you’d like to know? Are you curious about my health/heart story? Are you wondering about my career? Do you find yourself reading and asking “what does that mean?” Do you have any questions for me? Now that I know others are reading my blog, I figure I should see what those people are interested to know. If you leave a comment, I’ll make sure to answer your questions.
Knowing that people are reading this blog has me thinking about a site I have that I’ve yet to use. Back when I was excited about the middle grade novel I’d written, I bid on a silent auction for a website. The name is specific to my novel, to I can’t really use it for a general blog, but I’m thinking maybe I can use it to post short stories until I feel comfortable going back to editing my novel. I have a few short stories already written that tie in with my novel. Maybe getting a little feedback from the short stories could give me some encouragement to keep trying on the novel instead of giving up. If I get that up and running, I’ll announce it here. It has nothing to do with social anxiety, but my anxiety definitely has something to do with why I have stopped working on it.
Pandemic thoughts…
To mask or not to mask. That is the question. I have been vaccinated since February (I qualify as “high risk”), but have yet to go anywhere public indoors without a mask. At first it was because my kids were not vaccinated and I was trying to set a good example as well as worrying that I could bring something home to them. But now that they are vaccinated I still wear my mask and they do too.
I read a FB thread in one of my heart groups about someone who’s cardiologist recommended continuing to mask because even the milder version of the delta variant that vaccinated people can sometimes get would be bad for us heart patients.
Not only am I concerned about potentially getting it, but I also worry about giving it to anyone that is not eligible for the vaccine or is immune compromised. I read an article from The New York Times saying that it is unlikely that vaccinated people would pass it on to others, especially if they have mild or no symptoms. But there’s no data that shows one way or the other. Why risk it?
Here’s what I don’t understand. Many people I know seem to have the mindset of “Once I’m vaccinated, I won’t get more than sniffles, so I don’t have to be cautious anymore.” But I guess guilt is way too ingrained in me because I really have little concern about me getting it (even though I’ve been told it would be bad for me) and way more concern about helping it spread.
I’ve even had people say “If someone is eligible for a vaccine and chooses not to get one, that’s on them. I don’t have to worry about it.” In some ways I agree, but at the same time there are a lot of people that either aren’t eligible (kids) or the vaccine might not work for them (transplant or cancer patients) and being that I know people in all of these categories, I don’t like the risk. I love those people too much to give the virus any avenue for creating another variant.
Am I being too paranoid? Am I letting fear run my life? My husband has not worn a mask in public since the CDC said vaccinated people didn’t need to. He’s a nurse. So does that mean he’s more qualified to judge the need? Or does it mean he is thinking more about himself than others? And what happens if he picks up a breakthrough case and gives it to us? Does this thought even cross his mind?
I know I should sit down and talk with him about how I feel, but I tend to dislike confrontation and go with passive aggression instead. Not the best way to handle anything, I know. But once again, anxiety gets in my way.
I have another appointment with the therapist tomorrow. I am hoping I will be a lot less weepy than last time. I’ve actually done quite a bit outside of my comfort zone this last week. I’ll be interested in seeing how that will effect my session.
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