My babies started 6th grade today. In our school district, this is the last year of elementary. This day would have been difficult no matter what, but the current world situation, them being home all last year, and me not being there with them anymore has me spending way too much time worrying and hoping the day will go by quickly.
They have been excited. Well, my daughter has been extremely excited. My son pretends he’s not and tells his sister she’s crazy, but if I were to tell him “never mind, I’m keeping you home” I know he would throw a fit.
There is a large group of parents that are very upset about the district’s lack of safety protocols regarding the pandemic and they are pulling their kids out to homeschool. I am in the perfect position to do this, but I feel that it would do more emotional damage than good. My kids are among the few in our school old enough to be vaccinated. When I talk to other parents some of them say “At least yours are vaccinated,” as if that should erase all worry. But it doesn’t. I wish it did.
So despite wanting to keep them home with me, I took them to school this morning. The school lets parents walk their kids to the classroom on the first day, so I asked them if they wanted me to walk them in. My daughter said yes. My son said no. She won. We left early to ensure I could find a parking place and had to wait outside the school for about 10 minutes.
When the doors opened, we knew exactly where to go. The building has been our second home for 6 years. There were some weeks when we spent more time at the school than at home, and always more waking hours! As we got to their door, I stopped and gave my daughter a hug. My son slipped past us, avoiding a hug. I called across the room “I love you! And now I’m going to embarrass you because you wouldn’t give me a hug!” That got a laugh from the teacher and a couple of students. Thankfully he thought it was funny too. I remember a time when he used to jump out of his class line to hug me if he saw me in the halls. I didn’t think that would ever change. *sigh*
Then it was time for me to make the solitary walk back to my car. I passed a few familiar faces, saying hi. It was such a weird feeling to be there in a completely different capacity. To be walking out as everyone was walking in. One kid lit up when he saw me and asked “Are you back?”
As I passed the cafeteria where they were hosting a “Tears and Cheers” reception for kindergarten parents I wondered why they didn’t have one for 6th grade parents. My tears stayed in until I was out of the building and I saw a friend coming out too. We hugged and talked for a bit. She’s a friend that has been very supportive and understanding about my anxiety and I’m glad that I will be seeing her at pick up every day.
I had planned some errands to run while I was out to keep myself from becoming a blubbering mess watching the clock until it was time to pick them up from school. I needed some items from Sprouts, which is right by the school and I needed to find backpacks (nothing like waiting until the day before school to let me know he can’t find his old backpack, even after I mentioned it 100 times over the last week or more). By 8:00 I was done with Sprouts and by 8:30 I had procured two new backpacks. Now what?
I was home by 8:45 and haven’t done much of anything since getting home. Talked with my husband (he’s between semesters right now) and checked on IG. Now I’m writing. This is going to be a long, long day. Hopefully I can get myself busier and more productive. I don’t like feeling so lost. I need something to be doing. I just can’t quite figure out what.
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