Last week my therapist mentioned Cognitive Distortions and said she would send me a list of them so we can discuss them at our next session. I got the list on Sunday and not only do I personally resonate with several of them, I can also see some in friends and family. However, the assignment was for myself, so I’ll refrain from analyzing everyone else.
Here are the ones that stand out the most:
Magnification and Minification:
Exaggerating or minimizing the importance of events. One might believe that their own achievements are unimportant, or that their mistakes are excessively important.
http://www.therapistaid.com
I can give specific examples of this from recent history. When we were working on Sound of Music, any time someone gave me a compliment for the set changes I’d deflect and say it was no big deal. But when I made a mistake, I beat myself up about it, big time. Even though I kept telling my son and other crew members that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay. I couldn’t seem to apply the same advice to myself.
Within the category of Maximizing/Minimizing is Catastrophizing.
Catastrophizing:
Seeing only the worst possible outcomes of a situation.
http://www.therapistaid.com
I think I do this some. Not all the time, but often enough. More so with the pandemic looming over us, but I did it before too. Only, I could get past it then. Like when my husband took us on a surprise trip and didn’t tell us where we were going or book any hotels. I immediately freaked out that we’d be sleeping in the rental van because there wouldn’t be any hotel rooms available. But I got over that when I used my Hilton app to look for nearby hotels each day and we didn’t have to sleep in the car even once. I think I was better at moving through my anxiety then. Now it feels harder. Though I’m trying. If I were to continue the catastrophizing I would probably be homeschooling my kids right now. But I’m not. And I’m getting better at other things too.
Jumping to Conclusions:
Interpreting the meaning of a situation with little or no evidence.
For example:
Mind Reading– Interpreting the thoughts and beliefs of others without adequate evidence.
Fortune Telling- The expectation that things will turn out badly without adequate evidence.
http://www.therapistaid.com
This one is probably one of my biggest issues. I’m constantly worrying that people are mad at me. Lately I’ve been feeling like everyone from my old job resents me leaving. Normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I still interact with these people because my kids are there for one more year. I’ve sent both a text and email to one of my former teammates (about my son) and she didn’t respond to either of them. I can’t help thinking she’s mad at me about something and the only thing I can think it could be is my leaving when I did. I asked one of the other members of the team if she thought something was wrong. She said there was no telling with that person, so I’m still left wondering. I also feel like a burden if I need emotional support, but give that support freely to others. And I’ve been interpreting the things friends have said to me as them judging me, when they most likely aren’t.
One of my closest friendships before the pandemic has become the most difficult to rekindle. We had very different approaches to lockdown and precautions and I was not comfortable around her. In the summer we tried getting together (our kids have been friends their whole lives), but for me it felt awkward. I don’t know how she felt about it, but the times I’ve attempted to reach out have been met with lots of “I miss you” declarations, but no attempt to actually make plans. Again, I keep trying to figure out what she’s thinking, but everything I come up with is negative towards me and I know that’s just my anxious brain trying to take over.
Honestly, these are the big ones that stand out for me. I do think that I occasionally display some of the others, like emotional reasoning and disqualifying the positive, but my main ones are above. I think I’ve been making progress just by recognizing what is going on in my brain. Even though it’s still hard to stop the thoughts, I’m able to label them and know they are not helpful and most likely are untrue.
This week, my anxious friend (the one that said “anxiety is fine until it runs your life” and that she hates self help books because they are boring) has gone back to extreme anxiety. I’ve been talking her through her big fears using the things I’ve been learning like grounding and reframing thoughts. I’ve made sure to tell her that I’m learning these things from my therapist and self help books. I even read her the list of Cognitive Distortions and she recognized that she does several of them herself. She made the comment “Maybe I need a therapist.” I don’t know if she’ll follow through with that, but I hope she does. I’m not qualified to help. But I did tell her that I have a hard time asking for emotional help from friends and feel like like I’m a burden, even though I’m always ready to help them when they need it. She told me I shouldn’t feel that way. But what she doesn’t realize is that things she has said to me have solidified my anxiety that I’m a burden when I try to talk about my own emotional state.
I’ve had a really good week, I think. A lot of that can be contributed to keeping busy. But some is because I’m more aware of my thoughts and know that just because I think it doesn’t make it real. I’m curious as to how my session tomorrow will go. I am glad I’m getting past the “spend the whole session crying and venting about trauma and anxiety” and moving into having my therapist give me strategies for improving my ability to work through my anxiety. I am seeing improvement and want that to continue.
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