I recognize that my babies are not babies anymore. I know their feet are officially bigger than mine and they are quickly gaining on me in height. They are both growing into thoughtful, ambitious, and intelligent young people. I’m proud of their accomplishments and love being here to witness who they are becoming.
But I’m not ready for relationships. I’m freaking out. My son talked to me at the beginning of the school year and told me he thought he might be bisexual. I assured him that whether he is or isn’t, I’ll love him exactly the same. Over the course of this school year he’s been very open with me about the characters he feels attracted to (all anime boys) and all of the drama at school. He recently told me he had formerly had a crush on a boy at school and then had one on the girl that he’s hung out with the most this year. Apparently he admitted to the boy that he had a crush on him at one time, but the boy didn’t know how to respond. Then on Friday the boy apparently admitted to having a crush on him “sometimes.” And now the girl is trying to hook the two of them up as boyfriends.
While I am extremely glad that my son feels comfortable sharing all of this with me, even letting me read their first texts to one another admitting that they like each other, I’m totally freaking out. I’ve hidden that from him in an effort to ensure that he will continue to talk to me.
I’m so not ready for either of my children to have romantic feelings towards anyone, regardless of gender. I want them to be my babies forever. Thankfully, my daughter is not romantically interested in anyone and rolls her eyes when her friends talk about that sort of thing. I would love to say “no dating until college,” but I know that isn’t realistic and could cause them to sneak behind my back. I’d much prefer to be fully in the know. And so far, I feel confident that they both will come to me when these feelings arise. Both of them are starting to ask if they can talk to me alone, rather than in front of each other, which is strange to me, but I guess it’s understandable that there would come a time when they didn’t want to share every secret with their sibling, especially since they share a lot of friends. I can see the need for 1 on 1 time to become more frequent in the months and years to come to encourage them to continue to trust me with their deepest thoughts and feelings.
It feels like a huge transition in our relationships. I just pray I can be the parent they each need to feel loved and supported. Because I recognize that they each will need different parenting. We have a lot of “it’s not fair” moments, but I’m trying to emphasize to them that same does not mean equal and sometimes “fair” will look different for each of them.
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