Home Invasion

I think I mentioned in a previous post that my husband invited a friend over to spend the day painting and to stay for dinner. Today is that day. And there are actually two people. I’m currently hiding in my room, which is probably incredibly rude, but I just can’t push myself to go out there and socialize right now.

Today I had to go to my aunt’s to work.  Every week I spend at least one day at her house going through the mail, scanning documents that have come in, filing them both physically and electronically so they get seen by the right people, and depositing oil royalty checks.  My aunt and I get along extremely well and I’ve always been her favorite.  She has no children of her own.  While I work, we almost always spend a lot of the time talking and at lunch my aunt, uncle, and I all leisurely sit and talk about the insanity of the world we live in.  

I didn’t realize it until recently, because I love talking with them, but this day always drains me.  When I get home all I want to do is sit by myself and stare at my phone, playing mindless games.  My social tank is empty, just like it is after being with strangers.  It’s not who I’m with, it’s just that I’m done being social and need to be inside my own head for awhile.

I thought the fact that I’d be gone for at least part of the time that the friends would be in our house would be a good thing, leaving me with less time to need to put on the role of wife and hostess.  However, instead it feels like I’ve been thrown into a frying pan that’s already hot.  I’m not at all comfortable.  My kids have been home the whole time and they are out there painting models with them, but I have hidden in my room, not knowing how to integrate myself into the mix.  

I know I’ll have to join them eventually, as they are staying for dinner.  But so far no one has come looking for me, so I think it’s safe to say that I’m not needed.  I am trying my best not to imagine what the friends must think of me disappearing, but it’s difficult not to feel like they must think I’m anti-social.  Which I guess I technically am at the moment.