Today is the first day of school for my kids. First day of middle school (in our district, middle school is 7th and 8th grade). New year, new school, new anxieties. We had Meet the Teacher last night. I am still a few days away from being able to go maskless outside my room, so I was miserably hot the whole time, but I’m glad we went so they could see the layout of the school. The school was renovated over the summer, so even the things we thought we knew about where things would be were wrong. My kids actually have first and second periods together, so we stuck together at first, then my husband took our daughter to walk through her schedule and I stuck with our son.
It’s always clear how different their personalities are, but last night was a shining example. My daughter wanted to walk her schedule in order so she would know how to get from class to class. She waited in lines to meet each teacher and got more and more excited as she saw friends. My son, the lone extrovert of the family, was the complete opposite. He had his nose stuck in his phone the entire time, trying to keep track of where his friends might be. He barely looked up to see where each class would be and had no interest in meeting any of his teachers. He didn’t even care if we went in order! When I’d point out that someone he knew from last year was coming our direction, he said that it felt weird to talk to people he hadn’t seen in months. He even said to his friends that his social anxiety was on overload.
This is the first time he’s admitted that he has social anxiety. I’ve said it to him on multiple occasions, like when he’s afraid to order food at a counter by himself. I’ve tried to be very open about my own social anxiety so that he knows he’s not the only one that gets afraid in social situations. I said something to my husband about his comment and he tried to say “He doesn’t have social anxiety” until I pointed out how he hates talking to people he doesn’t know and is always afraid someone hates him or is mad at him.
The fact that he said something makes me wonder if he might be close to ready to seek help for it. He’s adamantly refused therapy so far, but I’ve tried to show him how much it has helped me, as well as being in the Social Anxiety Besties Club for peer support. I think it would help him tremendously, but not if he doesn’t want to be there.
Anyway, I had told them a long time ago that the first couple of weeks of school I want them to ride the bus, just so they know how to do it if there’s ever a time I am not able to take them or pick them up as well as giving them the chance to make friends that live close to us. Last week a neighbor advised letting them take the bus home, but drive them to school the first week, as busses can be running late as they get use to their routes. I asked the kids if this was what they wanted to do and my daughter, without hesitation (despite her admission of being nervous to ride the bus for the first time), said they should ride and that if the bus is late, they can’t count them tardy. I was super proud of her for facing her fears instead of putting them off.
They both asked me to walk to the bus stop with them, which I wanted to do anyway. I made their lunches and made them take our annual First Day picture (I had these shirts made right before they started kindergarten and they’ve added a hand print every year since). My son hates the shirt. He put it over his head, but wouldn’t put his arms through. I told him I wouldn’t take the picture until he cooperated. That’s why he looks like he’s being punished in the picture above. I promise, they weren’t sent to the corner!
Once the obligatory picture was taken I walked with them to the bus stop. I asked them if I needed to be waiting for them at the stop when they came home (it’s just on the other end of our block) and they both said yes. My son said “Not because we can’t find our way home…” I said “I know. You just want to share your day as soon as possible.” I’m grateful they want to see me immediately. I’m taking it as long as I can! As we approached the bus stop we saw another kid walking from the other direction. We all arrived at about the same time and didn’t even have a chance to greet one another when the bus pulled up. So much for being late! It looked like they were the first ones on the bus, so they had their pick of seats. I couldn’t see where they ended up, but I would not be surprised if they sat together.
My daughter has been increasingly excited for this day for weeks. Completely opposite for my son. He was dreading it and it showed in how they responded to everything this morning. It’s probably good there wasn’t a wait for the bus.
I made a plan to walk for exercise after they got on the bus, so as it pulled away I headed away from our house. Tears started to pool, but I was able to distract myself through my walk (and texting friends that were going through the same thing). I got home and took out the trash and checked FB for all of the back to school photos. I keep looking at the time and thinking about what class they are each in at that moment. I’m looking forward to hearing about their days. I hope both of them have a great first day. Or at least a not horrible one. I’m afraid that my son will be looking for the negative, and therefore finding it. I want him to enjoy school. He doesn’t have to love it the way his sister does (frankly, it is a bit extreme), but the complete dread I saw in him yesterday as one by one he found out that his close friends didn’t have classes or lunch with him. It didn’t matter that I pointed out the people that would be with him, they weren’t the ones he wanted. I pray that he can look for the good. Because I know it will be there if he will just look for it.
As for me, I’ve got the house to myself (husband is working) and nothing to do (had to cancel lunch with a friend). So I’ll keep watching the clock and waiting for my babies to come home.
But tomorrow I have virtual therapy in the morning, then I’m volunteering at their school in the library!! I got to talk to the librarian last night and with the construction, she’s got a library to put back together. I offered to come in and help, having gone through the same thing 4 years ago. I can’t wait to become a regular at their school and to get to where the front office recognizes me as I approach the door.
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