Everything was going along great. I was healing from my hysterectomy, feeling good and excited for a period free future. Then three weeks into recovery I started bleeding. Upon inspection, the surgeon said there was no tear, put something in my vagina to coagulate blood on contact, then sent me on my way.
But this was no easy fix. Now, I could go into the details, but the long and short of it is, I ended up in the hospital for a week. I had to have surgery 4 weeks after the first one. And not only did recovery start over, but this time is taking longer to bounce back. I’m a week out from that surgery and I still feel drained after a shower. I have napped every day and could still sleep more. I’m trying my best to take it easy, but I’m frustrated. I imagine some of it is the blood loss and some is sitting in a hospital bed for a week doing nothing. But I’m torn between pushing myself to do more and giving myself permission to take it slowly.
Another struggle is with my INR (measurement of the effectiveness my Coumadin). We believe (but will never know for sure) that while I was feeling great and thought recovery was a breeze, I let my INR get too high and I bled internally. The blood that showed up was old blood that found its way out through a small defect in the vaginal cuff incision. This made sense, as I passed a ton of large clots (which I called slugs) for several days, then suddenly they stopped the day before surgery. And the blood that was showing on the CT scan was not there on the day of surgery.
So the goal this time around was to keep my INR on the low end of my range (2.5). In an effort to keep it from going up too fast, I reduced the amount of Coumadin I was taking from 10 to 8 mg. Here I am a week out and I’m still at 1.5. Which means I’m at risk for blood clots around my mechanical valve.
It’s a frustrating balancing act. I don’t want my INR so high that I bleed again, but I don’t want to have it so low that I get a clot that turns into a heart attack, stroke, or deep vein thrombosis. I’ve been on Coumadin for 21 years. I very rarely have issues. I’ve had a hematoma after surgery, but we figured out that I shouldn’t take lovenox injections immediately after surgery and instead let my INR move up gradually and give some time to heal before I get to therapeutic. I had an ovarian cyst that burst and caused internal bleeding that wouldn’t stop, but I now know the symptoms of cysts and haven’t gotten to that point again since. My INR has been high, low, and everywhere in between without anything happening. I only think about my INR once a week when I check it at home and that’s just so I know if I need to eat more greens or less. I’ve been consistent and comfortable.
Until now. Now I’m scared. I’m scared that any twinge I feel could be a blood clot. I’m scared that if I get my INR into the therapeutic range I’ll start bleeding again. I’m scared that I’m not going to get my stamina back. I haven’t been scared like this in a very long time. And I haven’t had anyone to talk to about it, really. My husband’s new job has been very time consuming as he gets his feet under him and I haven’t gotten to talk to him for more than a few minutes since I got out of the hospital. I really don’t have anyone else that I talk to about my medical issues because most people don’t understand them. I don’t have a counselor at the moment because she’s on maternity leave and I chose not to try someone else.
I guess this is why no one wanted to do a hysterectomy on me. Not because the surgery itself would be complicated, but because of recovery. I just pray that I can make it to the other side of this without any more surprises. I know once I’ve fully recovered I’m going to be glad I got it done. I don’t actually regret it right now. I just wish things weren’t so complicated for me all the time. Why can’t my train stay on track?
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