Granny

When I met my husband in 1995 he had not talked to his father or that side of the family for years. He held a lot of anger about what felt like abandonment to him, which is understandable. I remember there being quite a bit of bitterness when he talked about them.

However, not long after we started dating, his mother saw an obituary in the paper. His paternal grandfather had passed away. She encouraged my husband and his sister to attend the funeral, and they did. This was the first time they had seen anyone on that side of the family for years. To say they were thrilled would be an understatement.

Somehow, my husband let go of the bitterness and began to establish a relationship with his dad, step-mother, aunt, and grandmother (his sister did not). Having not been together very long, I had no problems accepting them as part of the package. I have formed my own relationships with each of them. The closest being with his aunt and grandmother.

When the twins were very young, my husband had a weekly game night with friends. So I established a weekly dinner with his aunt and grandmother for the same night. It gave me a chance to have extra hands for the twins and also adult conversation. We met every Wednesday unless something came up. It eventually changed days because of Wednesday night church, but we continued the ritual. As a result, my kids and I have a very close relationship with them. They have spent the night at their house (they lived together until 2020) on multiple occasions and love them dearly.

In 2020 Granny was needing more assistance than her daughter (D) could give. Her Parkinson’s caused her to fall frequently and helping her up was a two person job. She moved into an assisted living facility right before Covid shut everything down. Which made visiting difficult. Our weekly dinners had become less frequent already due to busy activity schedules, but they were non-existent once Covid came along. We got glimpses of Granny through her window or on the porch, but we didn’t get to see her as often as we would have liked. She moved facilities two times, with the most recent being just a few months ago.

In August she was having trouble getting her TV connected to her blu tooth headphones so that she could watch without disturbing her roommate. I was asked to see if I could do anything. I went around noon and tried my best, but was unable to connect them. Instead I set up her iPad to watch Hulu or Amazon Prime and connected her headphones to it. I spent some time sitting with her and just talking as she ate her lunch. I think I was there for maybe an hour.

Two days later we found out that her roommate had tested positive for Covid. We thought Granny had somehow managed to escape infection, but just as her roommate’s isolation was lifted, she tested positive. That was August 24. That same day, D was diagnosed with breast cancer. For the second time. From there, things seemed to go downhill. Granny started having hallucinations that had her terrified. Bank robbers, flesh eating cruises, teenagers dancing around her room but not helping her… While amusing to us, they were also concerning. She was getting more and more confused. The doctors were somewhat dismissive about it, most likely because she is 90 years old.

Then on Saturday, while D was with her, she completely spaced, then began shaking. Now, with Parkinson’s, she frequently shakes. However, this was different. She was unresponsive. Running into the hallway, D got the attention of three employees. They hesitated at first, but she was insistent. When they came to the room and saw what was happening, they ran for the nurse.

My husband got a call from his dad saying that Granny had been taken to the ER and asking if he could meet D there. His dad was getting things together to make the 6 hour drive to get here. We were planning a date night, so we’d already lined up my mother-in-law to be with the kids. We left almost immediately (he had to shower and get dressed). When we arrived at the ER D and her friend K were in the waiting area. They had not been able to go back to see Granny yet. D was understandably upset as she told us what she’d witnessed.

Eventually, they allowed D and my husband to go back and be with her. K and I sat in the waiting room for hours as it filled with people. We got only occasional updates, as she had stabilized and other patients were seen ahead of her. When the ER doctor finally came to talk to them about the CT results, he seemed somewhat dismissive as well. My husband told D to describe what she’d seen and as she started to describe it, Granny started to do it again. The doctor took things much more seriously at that point.

Granny was moved to ICU and given anti-seizure medicine. Being DNR, there was discussion about how much intervention to do. Ultimately, Granny made the decision. When they tried to put a feeding tube in to get her nutrition and her Parkinson’s meds, she fought it and said “No. Let me go.”

At that point, the decision was made to make her as comfortable as possible so that she could pass without pain. She’s been on a morphine drip since Sunday. I took the kids by after church so they could see her at least once more. My daughter has been upset, and my son has been confused that he’s not. We got to talk to Granny, and I’m pretty sure she heard us, but she never opened her eyes while we were there. It’s my understanding that she has woken up a couple of times, but hasn’t been talking.

Her son and daughter have been at the hospital continuously. We are all grieving, but know that she will be joining Jesus, free from Parkinson’s and hallucinations. She’ll be watching over us, loving us as she always has. As much as we’d love to have more time with her, we are so very grateful for the time we got.