Letter to my daughter

Baby Girl,

Yesterday on the way home from your counseling appointment you said to me that you don’t feel worthy of love. My first response was to say you absolutely are worthy. But then I got to thinking more about it, because I’ve felt that way often as well. And I imagine most people do.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that love cannot be earned. NO ONE is worthy of love. If it were a matter of checking off a to do list of tasks or traits, it would be easy to “make” someone love you. However, it’s not an achievement to be won. You can’t be the “best at being lovable.” Nor can you be the worst. Because the thing about love is that it’s all the more spectacular because you don’t deserve it. 

Think about it. When Jesus died on the cross, were we worthy of that sacrifice? Not one bit. But He loved us and still does. Not because we deserve it, but because He just does. So when you say you’re unworthy of love, you’re absolutely right. Same with me, or anyone. But look around you. Despite being unworthy, you ARE loved. By so many.

Love is a gift, freely given. It costs you nothing. You don’t have to earn the gift. You get it just by being. God made us to love one another. Daddy and I don’t earn our love for each other. We don’t love each other less if the other doesn’t do the dishes or snores too loud at night. We don’t love each other more based on tasks we perform. It’s true that we might get annoyed with one another or even angry, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. And how much more does that apply to you!

The moment we laid eyes on you, even as a speck of cells in a picture before they put you into LaDonna, we loved you. Did you do anything to earn that? Nope. We just did. Still do and always will. No matter what. Nothing you do or say will ever make us love you less. That doesn’t mean we won’t get annoyed or fuss or get our feelings hurt. We can feel those things AND feel love. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

When Dad or I yell, you don’t like it, right? You get angry or afraid. But do you still love us? Your brother annoys you. Do you still love him?

I hope that this letter helps you to realize that being worthy has never been a requirement for love. From anyone. And if anyone ever makes you feel like you have to earn their love, or do certain things to keep their love, they don’t really love you. Because real love doesn’t keep score and doesn’t have to be earned.

Love you to the moon and back and the sun and back, always, always!
Mom