My heart. Ticking in my ears and echoing in the quiet. A constant reminder of life’s trials. Scars scattered across my abdomen, tracks of my history. Surgery after surgery, intervention after intervention, creation in partnership with God.
God calls us all to be creators with Them. We are created in Their image, which means we are also creators. They have given us the gift of creativity so that we may partner with Them in making the most of this world. It is up to us to create Good.
What Good have I created? I hope that I have helped create a love of story in the students I’ve encountered. I hope that I have created a love for everyone in my children. And I pray that I can create, through my writing, a bridge between people.
Story can help put us in another person’s shoes. Through story we can experience what it might be like to live in a different time, a different place, a different race, a different gender, a different life. We might discover that we are more similar than we thought. We can also discover that others are just like us. That we are not alone. Stories can validate our existence. But only if the stories we most connect to are created and given access to the public.
When we silence the creation of stories of any kind, we are telling a group of people that not only are they not worthy of seeing themselves in the written word, but also that others should not see them either. But God made us ALL to be co-creators. We are all children of God. And regardless of who society had deemed worthy of being seen, God sees them. Will always see them and will always love them.
It would be easy for me to say that Man has kept me alive through science. And that is true. However, it was not through Man alone. God partnered with doctors to give me the opportunity to remain in this life. Together, they created medical interventions that have allowed my heart to continue its steady tick.
I’ve been a reader all my life. Even when I couldn’t read the words, my parents read to me and I “read” the pictures along with them. I’ve had a love of story from the start. We all do, even if the form those stories take is different. It gave me the opportunity to see what life was like for “normal” kids. It was rare for me to find my CHD self in the stories I read. Sure, I could identify with the drama of preteen girls in The Baby Sitter’s Club, or the loneliness of Mandy in Julie Edwards’ story. But finding books that told the story of being the only child in a cardiologist’s waiting room, or the tale of being unable to participate in sports or PE, or the quest for a life free from medication, was next to impossible.
Do I think these stories were silenced? No, I don’t. They simply weren’t written. There were no creators available to share the story. I’m among a small, pioneering group of patients that have made it into adulthood and beyond. There simply weren’t any experiences to be shared at the time I was searching for myself.
Perhaps it is time for me to be the creator that shares the stories that I could not find. Stories of loneliness in hospitals, stories of whispers in the hallways, stories of hiding the scars and pretending to be just like everyone else. But also the stories of opportunities, stories of advocacy, stories of empathy and knowing the unconditional love of God.
I’ve always wanted to write a story depicting life with CHD. And while I know what life looks like in that scenario, I have yet to discover an actual plot. But maybe now that I’ve grasped the idea of intuitive writing I can let the characters tell the story through me. My experience can certainly inform my writing, but intuition and the characters will propel the story forward.
So how to begin?… Who is my MC? How old are they? Where do they live? Who are their friends? What are their defects and/or surgeries to date? What is it that they want most?
When I write using intuition, I have no idea where the story will go. The characters drive the story and I simply record the journey. Maybe it is God co-creating with me? I imagine that the characters of intuitive writing are much like we are to God. Sure, God has influence over us, but our free will can surprise even God. And while God helps us through our stories, we have the ability to take it in a whole different direction if we choose. And still, God does not abandon us.
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