I’m at the library. There are ZERO empty tables upstairs. I found a chair that has a swivel desk attached to it, but it’s not exactly what I would call ideal. The seat is too low and my laptop is at a weird angle because of it. I could just go home. No one is there. But when I’m at home I tend to get sucked into doing absolutely nothing like yesterday. I don’t want to be a bum the whole time the kids are gone.
They left for Choir Tour yesterday morning. Why does it feel different when they are gone? It’s not like they interact with me (much) when they are home. They’ve got so many activities that take them away from home or they disappear into their rooms. Yet I felt so odd all day.
I felt like coming to the library would be good for me to feel somewhat “normal.” But it’s not normal. Because it’s summer and the place is crawling with people. Which is GOOD. I love that our community uses the library and that it has so many programs for so many people. But it’s cramping my style. I don’t have a quiet place to sit and write. Even with my background music playing through my earbuds, it’s noisy. I think I’m going to have to find somewhere else to work for the summer. Which sucks because I just canceled my Sip Club membership at Panera because I haven’t been going there much the last few months.
I wonder where I could go… There is the coffee shop down the road. Maybe I could walk there (get some exercise!) to work. I’d have to purchase food or drinks, but that might be okay. They’ve changed the menu since I last went there, so I’m not sure what I would get. But surely it would be quieter than here or Panera. If not there, I’m not entirely sure where to go. I guess I could clean off my desk at home and try to work there. But leaving the house is helpful for my concentration.
Of course, the kids will be back home at the end of the week and then who knows if I’ll be able to go anywhere anyway. I don’t know why I think I can establish any kind of routine in the summer. I guess I will have to take it one day at a time.
My kids have been gone for 30 hours and have already performed with the choir twice. They went to a Veterans’ Home yesterday and today they sang at the Wesley House in Georgetown. They are now on their way to a camp for special needs kids, where they will spend the night and perform for the campers tomorrow. I really, really hope that they are having a good time. Yesterday did not go so well for Squirrel. I got texts throughout the day of one thing after another that went wrong. First they bled through their pad and ruined their shorts and had to change. Then they nearly passed out during the performance, seeing spots and getting light headed. Just before bed they rushed to the bathroom, but didn’t make it and peed on the pants they have to wear all week for the performances.
Needless to say, every text I got was in a panic. I know they were anxious about going in the first place, as they don’t really have a connection with any of the other students that were going. But today seems to be going better. I haven’t gotten any panicked texts and the only thing I did get was a response (hours after) to my question of how the performance went (much better, apparently). I’m going to take this as a good sign and try not to bother them. I want them to have this opportunity to be independent. And while I’ve always had a problem with missing out on what my kids are doing, I know it’s good for them to be in the world without the safety of me to rescue them. Yes, I talked Squirrel down when they were panicked, but I hope that simply shows that I’m always available to them even when we are physically apart. And perhaps they will be better able to solve these kinds of problems without me in the future.
Monkey, on the other hand, has not contacted me for anything other than to put a phone number into their contacts list and asking me to unlock their phone. Because even though they are the one with social anxiety, they are also an extrovert and love being with people. They also have a few friends in the group, which keeps them busy. I almost wish Squirrel wasn’t with them, though, because Monkey has a tendency to rely on Squirrel instead of turning to the people in charge. And Squirrel seems to feel responsible for Monkey. I had to remind Squirrel that it’s not their job to take care of Monkey. There are plenty of adults on the trip that can do that. It’s not going to be very long before they are going to go their separate ways and Monkey should learn to advocate for themself now, while it’s still safe. This is something I have to repeat to myself all the time.
Saturday they will turn 15. I’ve signed them up for Driver’s Ed and made an appointment to get their learner’s permits. It’s a bit frightening to think that they will be able to drive themselves around next year. For now they will still need me to at least be in the car with them. I have a feeling that once they are fully licensed, Monkey will be out of the house more than in it, off seeing friends every chance they get. Squirrel isn’t interested in getting their license, but I’ve told them it’s required that they get it, even if they choose to let Monkey do all the driving. Plus, I’m hopeful that they will want to socialize more once they’ve gotten to know Color Guard classmates and YAG members more. Not sure what we’ll do when they both want to go somewhere at the same time. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Okay, I think this is about all I’m going to accomplish here. There are way too many distractions. I definitely need to find another location for writing during the summer. I find out tomorrow how I did on the second round of the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge and depending on how I did may need to find somewhere to write over the weekend. Too bad it couldn’t be while the kids are still out of town. But I’m not all that hopeful of making it to the next round, so I’m not going to worry about it just yet.
Leave a Reply