Remember that word I’m trying to embody for my fiftieth year? BOLD. I thought I’d found the perfect bold choice for February. It was a little bit scary, but also something I love: Performing.
I had received an email from a local theatre that has me on their mailing list and it said they were needing more performers for a production of The Vagina Monologues. I debated with myself as to whether I should reach out to the director or not. I thought surely it wouldn’t hurt to at least audition, right?
Apparently the “audition” process was simply a matter of showing up to rehearsal. If you don’t know, this show has women of various ages and backgrounds talking about their vaginas. In this production, I was told that memorization would not be necessary and the director would assign monologues each actress felt drawn to.
The first rehearsal after I’d reached out was on the Saturday that Whodunit? performed, so I couldn’t go. The second rehearsal was canceled because of the icy road conditions from the winter weather that swept through. When I tried to back out of the commitment with the concern of missing too many rehearsals, the director assured me that I’d be fine. (Keep in mind, we’ve never met.)
As I resigned myself to following through on my bold, spur of the moment choice, I realized that I had more conflicts than I first thought. The weather has moved many of the activities that our family has on the calendar and I just couldn’t see that it was going to work.
A part of me wondered if my anxiety was just looking for any excuse to back out. I’ll admit that it probably played a big factor in the beginning and might still have a little bit to do with my decision now. But every angle I looked at appeared impossible.
While I do want to choose me as much as possible this year, I don’t want to choose me at the expense of my family. I know there are many things that my family is okay with me missing. But I only have so much more time with my kids before they go off to college. I don’t want to miss out on the opportunities to see them perform before distance makes it more difficult if I haven’t even started something before realizing it would interfere.
This attempt at making a bold choice has taught me something, though. It’s shown me that I might have to plan things out a little farther in advance. The last three months’ bold choices have all been planned out and looked forward to. I realize that February is almost here and it’s a short month, which might make planning a bit more difficult. Therefore, I’d better get to planning now.
Okay, back to spontaneous bold choices…I just sent an email to a local bookstore inquiring about collaboration. I don’t know if it will produce anything, but at least I’m trying. I’ve also signed up to attend a workshop at a bookstore for indie authors that I hope will help me get my book into brick and mortar stores.
But I don’t know if either of these count toward my goal of being BOLD this year. I mean, it’s not like I set parameters or anything, but I feel like sending emails or attending workshops isn’t quite bold enough. Definitely moving in the right direction, but something I would (hopefully) have done without my Choose Me attitude.
No, I think I need to keep looking for my February BOLD choice. Again, if you’ve got ideas, I’m ready to hear them!
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