Yesterday was the cast party for Sound of Music. When people asked on Saturday evening if I’d be there, I said yes. I’d been hanging out with these people for two weeks, what’s the big deal, right?
Wrong. I forgot that the past two weeks were structured. I had a job, they had a job, and we were all had something to be doing. At a party, it’s unstructured. There’s no set piece that needs my attention when I start to feel awkward. There’s no job to focus on. There is no pre-determined topic of conversation.
As the time for the party approached, my stomach started knotting up. I started to feel nervous. Who would I talk to? What would I say? Would anyone notice if I didn’t come? Well, it didn’t matter. My kids were excited about going, so there was no getting out of it. The whole family loaded into the car and went to the party.
When we first arrived, we stood in a corner, feeling awkward together. As soon as a few kids headed to the pool, my son joined them and my husband left to find a restroom. That left my daughter and I standing there alone. The food was blessed and she said she was hungry, so we were the first in line to load up plates. We took our food outside and sat at a table, soon joined by my husband. At this point I don’t think I’d talked to anyone more than a quick nod and “hi.” The three of us ate in silence, then my daughter took off for the pool. That left just me and my husband. He’s usually quite social, so I was surprised he wasn’t mingling. A teen we know in passing (I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with him) asked if he could join us. We said of course and my husband attempted small talk. My anxiety just kept growing.
Eventually we were joined by the tech director and at that point the conversation took off. I spoke up when I had things to say and I don’t think I made too big a fool of myself. But I kept getting distracted. A couple of young girls struggled through the gates of the pool to set up a lemonade stand. People going back and forth between the pool and the clubhouse. A game of toss with a football. It seemed like every movement pulled my attention away from the conversation at hand and I’d only hear snippets. I don’t think anyone noticed, but I sure did. And then I started being distracted by my thoughts of how rude I was being by getting distracted!
I did not get up from my seat at all, but a few more people did join us. Sitting outside in the heat did have an advantage, though. No one could realize that my copious amounts of sweat were just as much a sign of my anxiety as the outside temperature and humidity! There were LOTS of people at the party that probably had no idea I was even there. Though later I was told that my kids were great with the younger ones in the pool. I have received many compliments about my children this week, which makes me super proud.
Speaking of, my kids are about to enter their Confirmation Class at church and will need to choose a Faith Partner (non-related adult member of the church). We had been discussing this in the morning and my daughter had decided she wanted to ask one of the women that was in the show. She had been one of the directors of the children’s choir when she had first started, so she has known her for awhile. I was surprised, thinking she would choose my friend we’ve hung out with the most since covid hit. But for whatever reason, she chose Mrs. K and wanted to ask her while we were at the party. She wanted me to come with her. I was very proud of my baby girl for asking so politely. I’m pretty sure I was more nervous than she was! And Mrs. K said yes! I think she may have been a bit surprised, as I had not discussed it with her beforehand. Her daughter is also going into Confirmation and hasn’t even started thinking about who she would like. Last night I gave them each other’s contact info and they texted a bit before bed. My daughter was giddy with excitement and today she is making a gift for her new Faith Partner.
Right after she asked, it started to thunder and lightning and we had to make sure everyone got out of the pool. This became a very good excuse to leave. When we got home, I was exhausted. My family sat down to catch up on episodes of Bad Batch, which I hardly ever pay much attention to. I scrolled through social media just to try to recharge a little. My social battery was spent. Today will be a very quiet day for us. The first in a long while. We have no specific plans this week. Hopefully we can rest a bit and get ready for school to start in 9 days. It is going to be a strange year, but I know my kids are looking forward to it. Not sure about me…
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