I’ve noticed I’m the least anxious when I’m doing things for other people. I may have mentioned that before. I’m not sure if the reason I’m happy is because I’m making others happy or because I’m distracted from my own worries. Either way, I decided to look at my to do list as how I am blessing others.
For example, making a meal plan, grocery list, and trip to the store is blessing my family with nutritious meals to eat the rest of the week. Decluttering our home blesses the family by giving us a more comfortable place to live. Walking with my friend blesses her with someone to talk to as she deals with the loss of her grandfather. Putting together a care package for a friend who’s son is home with covid blesses her by letting her know we care.
Don’t get me wrong. These things bless me too. But that’s the beauty of blessing others. You get the blessing too. Kind of like hugs or smiles. It’s something you give and receive at the same time. Giving away adds to your own. Does that make sense?
Honestly, I know I’m mostly doing this to distract myself from my mounting anxiety about our house. Not only do we need a new kitchen, but we just signed a contract to get new windows. I keep stopping myself from thinking about the daunting task of cleaning our house to make it possible for a crew of workers to take it apart and put it back together. I feel like we are about to move without going anywhere. And we haven’t even found anyone to do the kitchen yet! I’m much happier thinking about blessing others than tackling this ginormous project.
So I need to try to spin this differently… By cleaning out our kitchen in preparation for a remodel, I will be able to bless strangers with donations of items we no longer use and I will bless my family with less clutter. The new kitchen will give me more opportunities to bless my family with nutritious meals. Getting the new windows will bless our family with better air temperatures and reduce our energy usage, which will bless our environment.
I’m still feeling overwhelmed, though. I am terrified I won’t get it done. I know I should start now so I only have to do a little at a time, but when I’m anxious I procrastinate. I’m afraid of doing it wrong, so I do nothing. I know this is a lie anxiety is telling me. I know there is no “wrong” way of cleaning (except not doing it), but it’s hard to tell my anxiety to shut up and go away.
I’ve been thinking about giving my anxiety a name. For some reason Bruno popped into my head just now. But I think that name sounds a bit too intimidating. I might not feel comfortable telling Bruno to back off. Maybe Angie? Time for Angie to sit in the back seat instead of trying to drive. I know I can’t get rid of her completely, but I can’t let her tell me how to drive either. Maybe I can get one of those privacy screens that cut off the back seat from the front so I can’t hear her arguments anymore. I’m going to have to play with this idea and see if it will work for me.
In the meantime, I’m off to bless others. Declutter first, then to the store for care package items. I’ve got 1.5 hours before I need to pick up the kids. Should be plenty of time.
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