Recovery Day

As I said in yesterday’s post, I am taking today as a recovery day. I went to bed way earlier than usual last night. I work out in the morning before anyone in my house is awake on M/W/F, but when the alarm went off this morning I reset it to an hour later and went back to sleep. I was still tired when it went off again, but knew I had to get moving to get the kids to school.

My daughter was tired as well and said that she wanted to stay home, except she had her GT class today and knew her partners would get nothing done if she wasn’t there, so she would go anyway. This was very telling, as she never wants to miss school, even when she’s sick. She loves to be at school. This tells me that she is just as drained as I am by all of the stimulation at yesterday’s field trip. She did amazingly well, despite her anxiety about how the day would go, but I know from experience that even when you have a good time, socializing at that level can be exhausting. I assured her that we have no plans whatsoever tomorrow, which will give her some time to recharge her batteries before Confirmation on Sunday. I have a feeling she will not emerge from her room the entire day unless I make her.

As for me, I’m recognizing that I need to make rest my “job” for today. In the past I may have felt like I was being lazy or beat myself up for not getting more done, but I realize that if I’m going to be my best self for my kids this weekend, I need to get my own battery recharged. And that won’t happen if I’ve given myself the pressure of getting through a to-do list. So instead, my to-do list has one item on it:

• RELAX!

Everyone has a different definition of what relaxes them. I asked on IG what self care other people use to recharge and, even though there were only two replies, I have managed to do both!

One was sleep. Even after 9 hours of sleep overnight, I still came home from school drop off and took a nap for an hour.

The other suggestion was writing. Look what I’m doing now! I do feel like writing/blogging is a great way for me to take care of myself. Instead of letting all those words that swim around in my brain, untamed, I am putting them out into the universe and leaving them there. Well, maybe not completely, but at least it helps put some perspective on my anxious thoughts. Though in this case, some of it is just being an introvert and needing some alone time.

The one and only item I had on my schedule for today was to attend the Social Anxiety Besties weekly Zoom. I thought about not attending, since I’d designated today as a “social recovery” day, but I really enjoy meeting up with others who “get it.” It’s similar in some ways to posting on IG and/or this blog, but with immediate validating feedback. I’m glad I chose to attend. I tend to talk way too much on these zooms (it feels like) because I hate awkward silences and a group filled with socially anxious people ends up with a lot of long pauses. For many in the group, the fear of speaking overrides the fear of silence, but for me it seems to be the opposite. I tend to feel awkward for others, so when a question is asked and no one answers, even if I’m not totally sure of the answer I will eventually break the silence just to help the asker not feel uncomfortable. Does that even make sense? Of course, afterwards I end up ruminating on how much I spoke and if people were annoyed with me always jumping in and if others might have talked if I’d just stayed quiet a little longer. But I’m getting more comfortable with this group and realizing that we each have our own way of interacting with each other. Being that we all have varying degrees of Social Anxiety, I’m pretty sure we’re all more wrapped up in how we come across ourselves than in judging others (at least, I hope that’s the case!).

At this point, I have about 2 hours left before I have to pick up my children from school. I believe I will spend this time reading. I’m just trying to decide if I’ll read Rewire Your Anxious Brain (my book club book) or a brainless fiction novel. I’m leaning towards brainless, since today is supposed to be about relaxing.

Now I will turn this question to you. Do you give yourself permission to have a self-care day after a particularly draining week? What do you do to rest/recharge when your social battery has run out? I’ll be interested to read your answers and possibly try some of them next time.