PRIDE 2022

Saturday we attended our first Pride Festival as a family. My husband and I have always been Allies, but never felt an urge to attend. This year, with our son identifying as bi (or he thinks he might actually be pan, the more he learns), I felt it was important to show the kids just how NOT alone we are. I had no idea what to expect. I knew there was a Family and Teen area, which I felt would be where we spent most of our time, but I didn’t know what would be in those areas.

Unknown is scary. And I was very nervous leading up to the day of the festival. We’d decided to go over a month ago and the anticipatory anxiety was high. I even waited until Thursday to finally purchase tickets.

I found it interesting to notice how my daughter was handling similar anxieties. I was proud of her for voicing them and facing them anyway. We talked about how the unknown can be scary, but that just means our brains are trying to protect us when there’s not actually anything to protect us from. She also made the choice to save her “people energy” the day before because she knew she would need to be around people at the festival and being an introvert, there’s only so much she can handle. I don’t think I ever would have recognized that at her age, but I guess I’ve talked about it enough around her (mostly in trying to explain to my extrovert son why I can’t handle doing tons of social outings back to back) that she’s realizing what she needs. I love that!

Getting to the Pride Festival was anxiety inducing because we had plans to meet up with friends at 11:00 (when the gates opened). We had discussed leaving around 10:15 to give us plenty of time. Well, my husband probably said “10:15-10:30” but to me that means 10:15. At 10:10 my husband finally got into the shower. I don’t know why he does this to me. Perhaps it’s just his way of giving me an exposure opportunity. I asked him to drive because I hate driving to unfamiliar areas, especially if there will be crowds. This became a different anxiety because as a passenger, I’m not in control of the speed at which the vehicle is moving or which lane it chooses to be in. I try my best to not be a passenger seat driver, but it sure is hard!

We got to the Festival grounds at almost exactly 11:00. One family we were meeting was already there and the other was not. We all happily waited for one another, so I know it’s silly of me to have worried about timing. Even my son said “It’s not like we’re going to miss the Festival if we don’t get there right when they open, Mom.” True. But tell my anxiety that!

Being at the Festival was a whirlwind. So many people wearing smiles and fun shirts or outfits. I told my friend I felt a little funny looking at everyone’s chests because I wanted to read their shirts! LOL! I surprised myself by making a point of telling people when I liked what they were wearing. I even got complimented on my own shirt (see the photo above). We were asked by a photographer if he could take a picture of our family for the Pride website and we gave him permission. We didn’t interact with all that many of the people outside of our group of friends, but everyone had smiles and laughter to share.

After about 3 hours at the Festival, we decided it was time to go home. On the way to the car, once we were outside the gates, there were protesters shouting at people as they walked by, telling them they are sinners and will go to Hell. Once again, I surprised myself by pointing to my shirt and saying “Jesus loves everyone. Even you!” and walking right on by. It started a conversation with all of the kids in our group about how those people seem to have forgotten Jesus’s number one command. And that there really wasn’t any point in the protesters being there, as it was highly unlikely they were going to actually convince anyone to think like them. Instead it was more likely to push people away from Jesus if that is the only example they ever see. Which is why it’s important for us to be sure to show them Jesus through our loving actions.

On the way home our daughter began voicing some questions she had about her own identity. I had thought quite some time ago that she might be ace, but never brought it up. She said she sometimes doesn’t feel like a girl, but sometimes she does. Her friend had told her about “demi-girls” but she didn’t feel like that fit either. She did some of her own research and at the moment feels she might be bi-gendered (female and nonbinary). I told her that whatever she feels is okay and even if that changes over time, I hope she continues to talk to me about it. I did tell her it might be difficult for me sometimes to remember to use “they” pronouns (as evidenced by the above paragraph), but I will do my best. As they continue to grow into their identity, I promise to support them and I’m very glad they have a best friend that can be there for them as well.

Before we attended the Festival I asked my son how he felt about us posting any pictures on social media, as that would essentially out him to everyone we know (his sister was wearing a “Proud Sister” shirt). He said he didn’t care, so with a degree of trepidation, I did post a few pictures of only our family. Thus far, ALL comments have been positive. But I’ll admit that I’ve been looking at the “like” list and worrying about several friends and family members that haven’t reacted to the post. I realize that it’s incredibly likely that they have not even seen the post, but it makes me nervous that perhaps they haven’t reacted because they are not supportive. I pray that is not the case and recognize that it’s a cognitive distortion that is equating no reaction with negativity. I just don’t want any negative consequences for my children. The great thing is, I got very encouraging messages from a few friends I was unsure about!

There was an organization giving out information about their youth and family programming and I hope we will be able to get connected with them. I feel like it’s important to surround our family with support, as I recognize that LGBTQ youth are at higher risk for depression and suicide. My biggest prayer is that my kids will always know how loved they are and that no one else’s opinion matters. In the car this afternoon, my daughter said they are going to try to not worry about what others think, but that it is hard. I reminded them that our natural instinct is to try to fit into the social group because back in the “caveman days” if you didn’t fit in, you didn’t survive. But that isn’t the way things are now, and we don’t have to fit in with every group. We can find out own tribe and not let the opinions of others influence who we are.