Pity Party

I’m in a funk today. My fingers are fat and bruised (see picture above), my hair is a mess, my brain is fuzzy, and I am irritated by everything.

I managed to shower yesterday, which was great, but I couldn’t do anything with my hair, so it just turned into a frizzy mess. This morning I asked my daughter to pull my hair up so it was off my face and neck, but she was too timid to pull it tight and it barely stayed. Once she was gone I asked my husband to try to fix it, but he didn’t do any better. It’s stupid to be bothered by it, but it’s driving me absolutely crazy. And all I can think about is the fact that it will likely be more than a month before I’ll be able to do my own hair and it’s summer in Texas. I don’t know how I can go without being able to pull my hair back for that long.

Tomorrow my husband will be working and my kids will be at church again. I’m seriously considering walking to the hair salon and getting them to wash my hair and chop it all off. My only concern is that I’ll hate short hair. Because my face is fat and I feel like short hair will make it look even fatter. My hair is also curlier than the last time I had short hair and I have no idea what it will look like. Then there’s the whole, “how do I put on a bra by myself” issue to deal with as well.

I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, considering all the other inconveniences this surgery is causing. For example, I had hoped to be able to take my daughter to her first day of in person Zoo Crew on Saturday. But the way things are going, I really don’t think I’ll be driving by then. I know the nurse said when I’m off pain meds and feeling comfortable I can drive, but I do see feeling comfortable in the next 36 hours.

I left the house for the first time today. My husband and I had lunch with his dad and stepmom. I didn’t realize how fuzzy I was feeling until we left the house. The car ride was somewhat nauseating, and I could barely comprehend the menu. When we got home I immediately changed back into pjs and took a nap. I have only been taking the Tylenol 3 before bed, but I think I’m going to try to skip it tonight and see how I feel tomorrow. I really don’t like feeling fuzzy.

Why did I think this was going to be easy? It sucks and both of my best friends are unable to help me because they both have Covid in their households. I’m feeling pathetic and discouraged. And I feel annoyed with myself for feeling this way.