Wellness Wednesday (11/08/2023)

I started a post yesterday, but it was so rambling, I ended up deleting it. The main gist was that I was feeling overwhelmed. In some ways I still am, but taking the time to notice and voice my overwhelm helped me to see where I could cut back.

This week is my daughter’s musical production week. The show has 5 performances total, three during the school day and two in the evening. The director requested parent volunteers to be backstage, and of course I stepped up. I said I could be backstage for dress rehearsal and 3 of the 5 shows, only skipping the daytime show on the day I work and the last evening show so I could watch (instead I’ll help with box office that night).

It was automatic for me to volunteer. I did it without really looking at how it would effect my routine. I just knew I didn’t have to be anywhere at those times, so I could help. But when the week arrived I started looking at all of the things I do in a week and realizing it was going to be much more difficult to get them done while volunteering.

For example, Monday and Tuesday I helped with dress rehearsals from 3:30-6:00. I don’t have a place to be at that time, but I do usually start making dinner around 5:30. So I had to figure out how to feed the family. My mother-in-law usually gets dinner for us one night a week, so I requested that it be Monday. I tried to coordinate what we would have her pick up early in the afternoon, even limiting the choices to make the process easier. However, the rest of the family was uncooperative and the decision was finally made while I was busy helping at the end of rehearsals and they had to wait on me to send what my daughter and I wanted before the order could be placed. Which meant that dinner was later.

This afternoon there is no rehearsal because they performed this morning, which is great. However, it was for this very reason that I scheduled my daughter’s therapy appointment for 4:00 this afternoon. And a sequence of events meant that my son has an orthodontist appointment today at 3:00. So this morning I was at the school helping with the show, right now I’m at Panera Bread writing, and I’ll be going back to the school to pick up both kids at 2:30 simply because there would not be time to come back and get my daughter at the end of the day. Hopefully we finish at the orthodontist in time to get to her counselor’s office. Not to mention figuring out how to squeeze in dinner between the appointments and small group at church.

I got an email last week from the band director needing volunteers to help with the Veterans’ Day performance on Friday. Again, gut reaction was to volunteer. Then I realized that I had committed to helping with the show the same day. The show is 9:00-10:30ish and the band performance starts at 11 at the Senior Center. So as soon as the show was over I would need to head to the Senior Center (at least, in my mind. It really only takes 10 minutes to get from one place to the other). It sounded stressful, but I decided to do both because I didn’t want either kid to feel slighted.

As I sat trying to write yesterday and feeling completely overwhelmed, I realized I don’t have to do it all. I had my son start dinner before we got home from rehearsal yesterday and I finished it when I got home. This evening, I will drive through somewhere for dinner and they can have sandwiches for lunch tomorrow if they don’t have leftovers.

And I decided that I don’t need to be backstage on Friday’s day show. There are three other parents signed up and we really don’t do much of anything anyway. I told the director I would be skipping that one so I can help with the band performance without needing to rush between the two. She was totally fine with it. And as a result, I should be able to do water aerobics on Friday morning before needing to be at the Senior Center, which is right around the corner. It’s not a big change, but it feels like it has made a big difference in my stress level.

I don’t know why I do this to myself. I know it’s a knee-jerk reaction to say yes when asked directly, but why do I feel a need to volunteer for every school activity when there are other parents that are perfectly willing and able to help? And I always reply to the teacher requests immediately because I’m afraid I’ll forget about them instead of taking my time to really determine how it will effect my day? Maybe I’m subconsciously trying to make up for all the times I couldn’t volunteer for things when I was working at the school? The thing is, every time I volunteer to chaperone I feel awkward because I don’t feel like I fit with the parents, but I don’t fit with the teachers anymore either. I can never quite find my place.

I think my goal from here on needs to be to pause and really assess before volunteering for anything else. Of course, I’ve already said yes to being on two (more) committees at church that supposedly won’t take up much time. And I offered to stay with my friend’s boys while she is in Houston getting cancer treatment next week. But now I’m going to try to be better. Wish me luck!