ADHD Advantage?

I’ve never been diagnosed, but I am fairly certain I have ADHD. After observing my children prior to and after their diagnosis, doing research to learn more about it, and noticing my own “ferrari brain” at work, I have little doubt. Like many females, I’ve been able to mask it and I don’t have the hyperactivity that many males display. But I am constantly aware of everything around me on some level. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve read a random word somewhere in a flash and then have to search for where I saw it.

I’ve noticed it a lot at church. Even while listening to the sermon or singing along with the praise team, I can’t help noticing everything. I know when people arrive late. I know when people get up to go to the bathroom. I know who sings along and who simply absorbs the music. And yesterday I knew when a woman behind me passed out.

The pastor was in the middle of her sermon when I heard a noise behind me and to my left. I turned my head and saw a woman slumped over in her pew. Without hesitation I jumped out of my seat and rushed over to her. It was my movement that drew attention to what was happening. As far as I could tell, no one else had noticed. I was there in a flash, but all I really did was get the people that needed to be there aware of the situation. I helped to revive her and other people started asking her the right questions. Was she diabetic? Had she eaten? I ran off to get her some juice, but by the time I was back (it took me much longer than it should have) someone had gotten her a coke. An ambulance had been called (I noticed when it drove past the stained glass window), but by the time it got there the coke had helped her recover. Someone drove her home and one of the teens that helps in the cafe cleaned the pew (when she passed out she wet herself).

I felt like I did nothing. Others thanked me for my help, but I kept saying “I really didn’t do anything.” I’m beating myself up over not knowing the right questions to ask and not getting the juice fast enough. Which I know is ridiculous. I know I contributed simply by noticing and reacting. I don’t know why I feel guilty for not doing more. God had the right people there to get her the help she needed. And my role was simply to get their attention. I didn’t need to act alone. God doesn’t expect us to.

I’ve always felt a little bit guilty for noticing everything around me at church. I feel like I’m not giving my full attention to the service. But maybe that’s okay. Because maybe I’m meant to notice others. Being aware of the people all around me gives me a connection to them (even if they don’t realize it). God wants us to be a community. Which requires recognizing we are not alone. So I will try not to feel guilty about noticing.