We’re halfway through March. Let’s review my BOLD acts for my Fiftieth Year.
- November – Las Vegas
- December – Anime Frontier and D&D/Pokemon one-shot
- January – Tattoo
- February – Self-date
- March – D&D marathon
I’ve had this month’s boldness planned since January. It may seem like a repeat, but this one is so much bolder for me. When I did the one-shot I used a premade character, the majority of players were kids, and the added element of Pokemon made it seem quirky, rather than intimidating.
This time is very different. I must create my own character, will be in a group of experienced adult players, and it will very much be “real” D&D. Not only that, but my husband signed up for the same game(s). Which comforts me on one level, and intimidates me on another.
It’s actually four sessions over two days. I will be completely immersed in this world and character for a total of twelve hours of gameplay. I’m both excited and terrified.
Excited because I have been, essentially, playing ttRPG in my head all by myself as I’ve written my Quest Therapy novels for well over a year now. Having never been a part of an actual ttRPG for a longer campaign, I’m looking forward to discovering nuances that I’ve been unable to capture in my writing simply because I’ve never done it myself. I love listening to Critical Role or Dimension Twenty or Tales from the Stinky Dragon, imagining the stories as the players weave a collaborative tale. I am a lover of stories in all their forms, so it makes sense that I would enjoy ttRPG as well.
Terrified because I am afraid of doing it “wrong.” Which I know isn’t possible, since there’s not really a “right” way of playing, but that sneaky defective cognitive distortion slips in to rear its ugly head whenever I try something I’m not sure of. I worry that the other players will disapprove of my choices or I’ll be too unsure and never make a decision. I guess you could say I’m feeling all of the feelings that Alanna felt when she started Quest Therapy.
Which is why this BOLD act is so important. It’s time to show my anxiety that it isn’t allowed to be in charge.
D&D isn’t the only anxiety push I’ll be attempting. It’s just the big one. My husband and I attend a convention every year (he’s been going for twenty years, this will be my fourth year) dedicated to gaming. There are war games, fantasy games, sci-fi games, board games, role playing games, etc. There are classes, tournaments, vendors, open gaming, demos, and meetups. My first two years I took all of the beginning painting classes. Last year I did several learn to play games. This year, I am signed up for very little. The four D&D sessions and a board game tournament. That’s it. And I signed up for a meetup. All three of these things will require pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
And in the midst of all of this, I want to get in lots of writing. And spend time with my husband. And be open to building friendships. And, and, and. Time to sit down and prioritize. At least this year we are in a hotel that is attached to the convention center instead of a one mile walk in the cold. That will open up some time, for sure!
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