Frustration

I’ve been sick all week. Started coughing Sunday night. Felt “off” all day Monday. Woke up with a 103.2 fever on Tuesday. Flu A. So I made it through my whole family having the flu and didn’t get it, but somehow caught it “in the wild.”

What sucks is, I made some big writing progress on Monday and was hopeful I could stay on track to complete draft one by the end of April. Unfortunately, now I’m behind by three chapters and feel like I have to play catch up.

I realize I can shift the deadline I made for myself. It’s arbitrary anyway. No one is telling me to pick up the pace except me. But I’m really hoping to have book two out before the end of the year. Potentially on or before my birthday. I’ll be turning 50 and I figured I could combine a launch and my birthday for a big celebration.

The good news is, at least I know how the process works now. So it shouldn’t take long after beta readers to have it ready for release. If I can get it to beta readers by the end of July that would give them all of August to get back to me. Then I’d have all of September and half of October to make changes and work with my editor.

It’s completely doable. If I get draft one done in April. It might still be doable if I shift a little. I’ll just have to be diligent about getting through revisions. Although, I do feel like I’ve got more of a groove going now that I’ve completed one novel, so maybe I won’t need to worry about that.

I know what Sage would say. She’d say I need to take care of myself. That adjusting my timeline is not failure. So why does it feel like it is?

I understand that it’s not my fault that I got sick. But it’s really ruining the schedule I’ve made for myself. I’m stubborn and I don’t like changing my plans. I know it’s sort of ridiculous, but I feel like I’m letting my characters down. Which I know sounds crazy, since they’re fictional and all, but they feel real to me. And my anxiety has to find someone to disappoint, I guess.

I think that may be it. My anxiety has me dependent on the approval of others and if I’m only disappointing me, that’s not enough self flogging. Nope, I’ve gotta be letting down fictional characters too!

I do feel better enough to be writing (clearly), but left my laptop at the office. I am not feeling better enough to go to the office. I thought I was. Until I showered and it made me lightheaded. But I think it’s that I’m dehydrated. So I’m working on drinking water and taking it easy. Even though it’s frustrating as all get out.