On the road to better health

I’m taking a 5 day class with Sage Adderly called “Chaos is Canceled.” Each day we’ve been taking a step towards calming the chaos and making a plan for our goals.

I have been struggling with what goal to plan for. I’ve had the goal of writing my book for some time, but I actually feel like I’ve got the support system in place to accomplish that one. I’ve already planned out that needs to be done to get it taken care of. So, I feel as if it’s a waste of the workshop to continue to focus on that one goal. Because there are certainly other things that I need to achieve.

My overarching goal is to become a more authentic me. But that’s not a measurable goal. So how do I break that into steps? I’ve messaged with Sage about it, but I didn’t feel any closer to figuring it out.

Then yesterday I attended our monthly Red Thread session and Sage had us write out a list of areas of our focus. My list included relationships to my spouse, kids, and community, work, health, fun, creativity, self-image, and faith. We then looked at how each area was connected to everything else. I realized that my health has been severely lacking in my focus lately, which has meant that it’s been getting worse over time.

My heart has meant that my health has had to be a major focus of my life for so long that when it isn’t forcing me to pay attention, I tend to pretend it there’s nothing to pay attention to. However, the fact that I’ve gained a significant amount of weight the last couple of years, and I’ve been getting short of breath with exertion shows me that ignoring it is actually turning it into a problem I shouldn’t ignore.

I haven’t been to my cardiologist in over a year (actually, I just looked it up and my last appointment with her was in November of 2022!). For someone with congenital heart defects, it’s important to keep tabs on things. Now, I’ve been to my electrophysiologist (electrician), just not the cardiologist (plumber). Both are important.

I admitted to all of this in the Red Thread session and Sage told me she would be holding me accountable. As soon as I got off the zoom call, I called my cardiologist’s office. They were closed for lunch. I was very tempted to take that as a sign that I could wait but didn’t. I tried calling again just before the Chaos class started. I now have an appointment for February 24th.

Then I got to thinking about the fact that both my psychiatrist and my mother have recommended that I get my thyroid checked when I mentioned my weight. That is not something my cardiologist would be checking, so I called and made an appointment for a physical. I will be doing that next Wednesday.

I’m realizing that becoming a more authentic me means that I need to improve my both physical and mental health. Which means not just making doctor’s appointments, though it is a great first step. I also need to take steps to improve my eating and exercise habits and learn listen to my own inner voice rather than doubting it.

The card I seem to pull most often when I consult the Tarot is the 7 of cups, and almost always in reversed position. This card is all about making choices without knowing what the outcome might be. Being reversed shows that I am so fixated on getting the “right” answer that I’m ignoring my own intuition. It’s kind of spooky how accurate this is.

With all of this information, I have decided that my goal is to trust my intuition. With my health (I’ve known for some time that I need to be checked, but I didn’t want to be right), my commitments (I usually know when I should say no, but feel guilty about it), my diet (I know that eating Paleo is best for me), my exercise (I know that aqua is not enough and I need to be more active throughout my days), my relationships (if I want friends, I have to put in effort), and my creativity (I’ve actually gotten better with this one over the last six months). And if I can trust my intuition, that will certainly improve my mental health and self-image.

Now the task will be to plot out the steps it will take to reach my goal. I’m still not completely certain how to do that. But I’m worth figuring it out. Even if it scares the bejeebus out of me.