I’ve never really been one to give something up for Lent. It wasn’t something my family did as Presbyterians. Though my mother liked to say that she gave up cooking for Lent and never started back up.
The topic of fasting was discussed in the sermon on Ash Wednesday last week, but not in the way that many people seem to interpret the practice. It’s not about breaking a bad habit or using it to lose weight or start exercising. It’s about removing a barrier between you and God. If there is something that is getting in the way of your full relationship with God, THAT is what you should fast from.
Some examples that were given included fasting from saving (the person was so focused on saving that they were not giving) and dieting (the person was letting dieting rule every area). Which got me to thinking about what might be coming between me and my relationship with God. And, of course, my anxiety was first on the list.
God says to give our worries to Him and I’ve never been very good at that. But coming right on the heels of the Emerging CSB, I knew there had to be something more there that I needed to explore. And that’s when I realized that what I need to fast from is hiding.
Ultimately, hiding is what I am constantly doing. I hide my true self for fear of rejection. I don’t voice my opinions or dress boldly or draw attention to myself in any way because I worry that someone won’t like it. But God wants me to be me. He made me and loves me just as I am. So why am I constantly hiding?
Each day of Lent I’ve tried to be seen in a way that I’ve previously hidden from. Here’s what I’ve done for the first week:
I know it’s not groundbreaking stuff. But I’m proud of the efforts I’ve been making. I’ve sent emails to representatives regarding topics I believe in and will continue to do so. I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Today, even though I was embarrassed to be asking what felt like a “silly” question in our coaching call, I did ask. No one rolled their eyes or thought less of me. As a matter of fact, one person said they struggle with the same thing. By speaking up, I received the support I needed and can take that off my worry list.
I started out trying to plan each day’s visibility challenge but soon realized that planning was just another way of hiding from authenticity. Therefore, I have decided that it needs to happen organically. In an effort to lock in what I learn along the way, I am going to continue to make graphics for how I show up each day. And when I want to hide or change what I would say or do out of fear, I will pray for God to help me be seen. I’ll check in each week to keep myself accountable.
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