Words are not enough to convey how grateful I am for all of the support I’ve received upon the release of my book. That’s so weird to say. “My book.” It’s real. Yes, I’ve held it in my hands for several weeks now, but it still didn’t feel real because I was the only person to possess a physical copy.
On Saturday, I was a complete mess (I blogged about it, of course) and had so much fear that I was going to feel let down following the launch. I truly wondered if anyone would actually be there or like what they heard enough to spend money on buying a book. I had so little faith in my worth.
But even with the fear, I showed up. I was sweating bullets and shaking like a chihuahua, but I showed up. I got on the stage. I stumbled my way through the first reading. Then the improv actors took the stage, and I was able to slowly release the fear. Each time I got up to read felt easier. And while it wasn’t a full house, by any means, there were people in the audience that I truly didn’t expect to see. And afterward, they all waited in line to get a signed copy of my book.
I had Squirrel record the whole thing on my phone and I’m working my way through to pull clips to share. The whole show ran just over an hour. I kind of wish I’d gotten a picture of the audience and/or the line for purchase, but my brain was not thinking beyond the moment. The heightened anxiety is making it difficult to remember who was there beyond the first row.
There were even people in the audience that did not know me or anything about the book. They were simply there to enjoy a comedy show. And some of them chose to buy a book. When one such person got to the front of the line and I was signing his book I asked him how he heard about the show. He said he didn’t know about it and just happened to come. When he saw the D20 on the cover, he knew he was going to want the book. For some reason, that feels even more encouraging than all of the people I know and love making a purchase.
On Monday I had the task of shipping three orders that were placed online in my store. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I’ll get to make more trips to the post office to wait in line. While that’s normally a very annoying prospect and I generally prefer using the self-service kiosk, I don’t mind going to the counter for this. It means that someone wants my book and I get to share it with someone new. Granted, two of them were ARC readers and have already read the book, but it’s pretty amazing that they would want a physical copy now!
Sage says I need to take the time to actually sit with and enjoy the release of my book instead of jumping straight to the next thing. It’s hard for me to do that. Do-it-all Debra takes over my brain way too easily. I’m constantly thinking about what I need to do in an effort to control how I feel. But this is a good feeling, so why am I trying to avoid it? It just now hit me that maybe I’m avoiding the basking because in so many ways I feel as if I don’t deserve it. Or that there’s “one more thing” that I have to do before I am worthy. The question is, will I ever figure out what that one more thing is, or will I be chasing rainbows? I need to work on feeling proud of what I’ve accomplished instead of placing my worth on some unknown. Which could probably be the story of my life, if I’m honest.
Well, that took a turn for the deep end. Oops. I really did just want to say thank you for all of the encouragement I’ve received. And stay tuned for glimpses of book two as it develops.
Leave a Reply