Tales from the other side (part one)

As someone who has had twenty-five surgeries, with the first being when I was five, I’ve gotten pretty desensitized to the anxiety of surgery. Obviously, not every surgery I’ve had has gone swimmingly, but I don’t really have anxiety about the surgery itself.

I’ve had to be on the other side of the operating room a few times in my life, and I do have to admit that I’m not a fan. It’s a whole lot easier to sleep through a surgery than it is to wait for word.

Tomorrow, my baby Squirrel is having surgery on both knees. As with my own surgeries, I’m not necessarily anxious about the surgery itself. What I’m anxious about is the before and after.

I worry about Squirrel’s anxiety. The only experience they have to reference is when they had oral surgery a few years ago. They were given conscious sedation and don’t remember the procedure itself, but they’ve never had full anesthesia, and I know that has them a bit on edge. Having experienced it many times myself, I know what they will be experiencing and I know how agitated they can get with sensory overload.

I worry that they might have adverse reactions to the anesthesia they give to them. I’ve got a list of meds that I avoid due to nausea/vomiting, hallucinations, agitation, or blistering. Will tomorrow be the day we discover something to list as an allergy on Squirrel’s chart?

I worry that they will find more than they’re anticipating and the surgery will end up being more than we’ve prepared for. Having not gotten an MRI, there’s a possibility that Squirrel has more than just plica to clean up. Can anything be done about their shifty kneecap? Or will they discover something that will require another surgery down the line?

I worry about their mobility following surgery. We’ve been told that they will be weight bearing that same day and able to walk from the car into the house, assuming there isn’t more to be done than the plica. Being that they are working on both knees, what will it require if they do more? Will it be better to take my car, or my husband’s?

I worry about pain level. Squirrel has been in pain for a long time now, but it’s a pain that comes and goes. How is surgical pain going to compare? Will Squirrel stay on top of the pain with the pain medication they’ve prescribed, or will they be stubborn and try to tough it out? I can barely get Squirrel to take over the counter meds for pain. I imagine they won’t be too fond of the hydrocodone that will be more effective.

I worry that Squirrel will push too hard. Squirrel has been pushing through the pain for a year now. I can only hope that they will recognize that they need to be careful until they heal. The only activity I was able to convince them to remove from their summer plate was Mission Trip, which is two weeks after surgery. Squirrel is confident that they will be able to help with VBS three weeks post-op and go to church camp after four weeks. They even RSVPed as “maybe” for small group the day after surgery.

I worry that I should have canceled my dentist appointment the day after and the Get Lit Book Fair on Friday night. There are plenty of people that can stay with Squirrel while I am gone, but my mommy heart keeps telling me that only I will do. Never mind the fact that their father is an actual medical professional, their grandmother lives in our house, and Monkey will likely be more attentive than they’ve ever been (those two argue like crazy but love each other fiercely).

I worry that I haven’t thought of everything. What if there’s something that we need that I haven’t gotten yet? Yes, I realize that I won’t be restricted and can easily go out and get anything we might have not foreseen a need for. Not only that, but there are three other members of our household that are able to drive and get anything if I need to stay with Squirrel. This probably ranks up there with the time my own mother fussed at me for waiting until after a visit to the ER. I told her that she couldn’t have done anything if she’d known and her response was, “I could have worried!” Logically, I know it’s ridiculous to worry that I’m not worrying enough. But tell that to my anxiety.

I should be using this time to be write, since I’ll be limited the rest of the week. I’m so close to the end (only three chapters left!) but decided that journaling might help the worries to simmer down before they boil over. I’m not sure that it has worked. I’ve got twenty minutes until my coaching call. Maybe I can get a little more written before then. I’ll be sure to do a part two tomorrow. And depending on how things go, there’s no telling how many parts this will end up being!