So much of writing involves mindset. I think everyone has this idea in their heads that authors simply get an idea, write it down, and put it out in the world. But mindset gets in the way at every step.
Yesterday’s coaching session revealed a lot of self-doubt. I’m constantly looking for validation from others and don’t trust myself to make decisions. Sage gave me the challenge to write a blog post about all the things I like about myself. And the thought terrified me. I responded with “I can write about everything that’s wrong with me all day long.” She said, “Which is why I want you to write down what you like about you.” I still don’t think I can do it. But maybe someday.
Today we had Red Thread. The tarot card that Sage pulled for our session was a Truth card. It talked about authenticity and trusting yourself. “Being completely transparent with others, although it might at first feel too vulnerable, is exactly what you need to do now.” I felt like it was aimed directly at me.
Then we journaled about our limiting beliefs and how they affected the ways we show up. I wrote that I believe that I am “wrong.” That I write wrong, parent wrong, dress wrong, act wrong, and all around am wrong. While everyone around me is doing it right. I seek the validation of others to ensure that I don’t reveal just how wrong I am.
After journaling we created a mirror. The mirror was meant to reveal our truth. As I worked on creating my mirror, the images that stood out to me the most were the funky ones. The ones that didn’t look like anything you’d expect. And I realized that the truth it revealed to me is that I am the only person that gets to define who I am. I don’t have to hide parts of myself, or alter how I’m seen, just to make others happy. I get to be my authentic self, without concern for how others think I should be. I know this. I have known this. And yet, the message never seems to stick.
One of the other attendees said she was going to take a picture of her page and set it as the background on her phone to help her to remember her truth. I decided to do the same. On my lock screen is an image of the page that you see above. The home screen is an image I’d found on FB a week or so ago.
I’m working on it. Maybe having the daily reminder on my phone will help.
I’ve said many times throughout this process that I didn’t know writing my book was going to be like therapy. But I’m finding that I have to work through my mental mindset in order to get any of the writing or revising done. So no, it’s not just a matter of having an idea and writing it down. It’s also digging deep into who you are and convincing yourself to be vulnerable enough to reveal your heart to the world.
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