I’m doing better about asking for help and not adjusting my own schedule to accommodate others. Monkey has band T/W/Th this week until noon. I asked my mother-in-law to handle pick up so that I can be at my office working. This is progress, believe it or not!
I managed to get the first three “weeks” of my manuscript revised and sent to my proofreader. My goal for this week is to do another three “weeks.” But I haven’t gotten any of it done yet. Sunday night I chaperoned the church youth lock-in, and Monday was spent recovering. I had received feedback from my third beta reader on Friday and pretty much put processing out of my mind for the weekend. This morning, I started to spiral a little, feeling like a failure. But I remembered what Sage had suggested and got out my Cosmic Smash Book. I am continually amazed at how well this works to get my head in a better place.
My takeaway is that I need to stop seeing the feedback as a map of what needs to be done. I need to balance their feedback with what makes me happy and stop trying to make my writing fit their idea of what it should be. I know, everyone tells me that. I even tell it to myself. Yet I still have a hard time not taking it to heart. I tend to trust others, especially my writer friends, more than I trust myself. I need to work on accepting keeping their feedback in mind as I polish and refine my own work rather than try to turn it into a mishmash of what they suggest.
Today was also our TEP3 coaching call. If I hadn’t done the CSB page, I probably would have needed a pep talk from Sage. But I’m in a better head space than I was when I first got to the office this morning. And while I didn’t need any direct coaching, listening to the others receive coaching was incredibly beneficial.
For example, when imposter syndrome crops up, we often look for a reason to postpone our goals. Or find other things to occupy our time so we “don’t have time” to work on them. We tell ourselves stories that we have no evidence to back up. Stories about not having what it takes. And our brain is hard wired to believe them. Because our brain is trying to protect us from danger. But the truth is, the only thing we’re in danger of is ourselves and the limiting beliefs we’ve created. So the question is, which uncomfortable do I choose? The uncomfortable of showing up “imperfect” (in who’s eyes?) or the uncomfortable of hiding? I’m going to choose to show up. And I’ll have to make that choice again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. It’s not a one and done choice. I can do this and I’m not going to let my imposter syndrome tell me otherwise.
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